I am back
So there was a brief hiatus. I guess we all need breaks once in a while.
I took a break under the sea, swimming with sharks.
And now I am back.
There is recent news about the Duke and Duchess of Sussex, Harry and Meghan, suggesting they may not return to the UK again.
What a Royal heartbreak.
If you spend much time on social media these days, you are likely to read about heartbreak stories and it just seems like heartbreaks are suddenly taking centre stage.
But what do I know?
The other day I saw a tweet asking people to share their heartbreak experiences.
That tweet took me on a trip down memory lane. I smiled, laughed and then smiled again.
While growing up, I did a lot of stupid things.
Well, I believe making mistakes and learning are parts of growing.
I might have been exposed to my inner emotions very early (whatever that means, don’t ask me to explain it).
All I know is that I started liking members of the opposite gender and that might be the reason my emotional being got traumatised so early.
I had my earliest heartbreak in JSS 1.
Don’t tell me that it’s too early because some of y’all had boyfriends/girlfriends from Elementary school.
I was sent to boarding school to study and instead of concentrating on books, I started looking at Tosin (definitely not her real name).
Tosin was in my class and even though I may not understand the concept of attraction back then, I knew she had a portable physique.
And I loved ‘portable’.
One spirit (which I may not be able to classify as a good one) kept telling me she liked me too.
I remember I kept hearing voices in my head telling me to observe how she slowed her pace whenever she walked past me.
The truth is that she wasn’t going with a slow pace. It was all in my head.
Whenever motivational speakers say “listen to the voice in your head” and you see me shrugging, this is the reason.
God no go shame us… but He has to punish the devil for all these things.
Sometimes, don’t listen to that voice in your head.
E fit be setup
I wrote several anonymous love letters which I always drop in Tosin’s desk locker every week.
My seat wasn’t too far from hers and I always stole glances whenever she read those letters.
The first time she read, I noticed a startled look.
The next one came with a smile.
I was enjoying the flow and the suspense.
Boy, I was living in a fool’s paradise.
If I had watched a couple of Hollywood high school movies back then, I would have known how creepy my anonymous moves were getting.
I knew it got creepy because she tore the last letter I had written to her right after reading it.
Boy, oh boy, it was as if she was tearing my skin.
I almost screamed.
A Yoruba adage says “oo l’ogun arinya, o lon je ayon” (You don’t eat cockroaches unless you have antiemetics close)
I wasn’t prepared for that at all.
My heart paused.
I was sick for almost a week.
The Sickbay staff said I had malaria.
I told them I was homesick.
We were deceiving ourselves.
I came back to class after my malaria had subsided.
Tosin was still there. The skipping heartbeats never left.
Little did I know that my trouble had only just begun.
There was a rumour about another guy in the next class (still my mate) was showing interest in my secret lady and had been making moves.
Truthfully, the new guy’s moves were smoother than mine.
But hey, I was just in JSS 1 and it seemed like you lot had been toasting babes since kindergarten.
Life has never been balanced.
I saw them together at break time.
Upon reflection, that was my first exposure to the concept of quality time.
I saw my girl smiling and playing with another guy.
And that was when I decided to ruin everything.
At that particular moment, I suddenly realized that I had become the villain.
One day, the new guy came into our class and dropped a note on my girl’s desk.
I saw the love inscription on the note.
My girl smiled at him and he left.
I wanted to run mad.
What I did next shocked me too.
Those were days I didn’t know how to say a proper prayer.
It seemed like various entities had access to my mind and interfered with me to some extent.
In those days, I was unaware of the concept of ‘letting go’.
I just wanted to ruin everything.
I couldn’t understand why my letter was torn while she smiled at another man’s love letter.
I must have told myself “Today, we die here”.
As soon as I saw the note in Tosin’s hand, I knew I had to act fast. Without thinking twice, I snatched the note from her and made a run for it, hoping to avoid any consequences.
“Emi villain”.
Tosin ran after me, telling me to stop.
But I kept on running.
I slowed down at some point and read the content of the love note.
Each line I read was like an arrow shot at me.
The wordings were enough to sweep any juvenile babe off her feet.
I continued reading, but the content weakened me like poison.
She caught up with me and sent a hard punch to my tummy.
The letter and the punch both delivered a heavy blow, leaving me unsure of which one hurt more.
The words on the page cut deep, while the physical pain lingered long after the impact.
It’s difficult to say which one caused the most damage, but both left a lasting mark on me.
I wanted to die on that day. It was a really good day to die.
I was hurt.
Tosin and I pretended to be enemies for the next four years.
We started talking during our final year of high school, and we discussed what happened back then.
After that, we became friends.
But not for a long time.
I got to know she liked me but the villain inside of me was still very active.
So I played with her feelings.
She was hurt.
Well, we graduated from school.
After a decade, I obtained her contact number and decided to reach out.
But all I got was, “What do you want from me?”
I guess what I did really got to her.
Dear Tosin,
In case this post ever comes your way, I just want to say I am sorry for acting like a child. I hope we still get to be friends someday, talk about all these and laugh it off.
Kindest regards,
The Juggling Prawn.
