A Gift from Greece.

“Wake up, sleepyhead” 
“You know you can be prosecuted for sleeping by this time”. 

 

That was Ben barking at the other end of the phone. His call woke me at 11 am on a Tuesday.
Don’t call me jobless just yet.
My job sometimes entails staying awake while the whole world is asleep.
And NO, I’m not a security guard. Just in case that came through your mind too.
But to be fair, I had worked till midnight the previous day and was only able to get in bed at about 3 a.m.

“Check your message”.
“I just sent a screenshot”.

I struggled to fix my gaze on my phone screen. This wasn’t how I imagined waking up this morning.
What happened to someone waking me with breakfast in bed?
I found myself staring at the picture of a wristwatch.

Why am I staring at a wristwatch?
The same wristwatch that has been sitting pretty in my cart for almost months, waiting for me to click ‘checkout’ but common sense kept telling me to prioritise other things in my life.

Ben knew I’m a sucker for wristwatches and he knew how I treat my watches like they are my babies. They are actually my babies.

“If you still want it, tell me and let me check out ASAP”.
“Of course I do”, I said. 

And all heard was “done” and the line went off.

I wondered why Ben would wake me up in the morning for a watch I planned to get; it was not even my birthday.
Is Christmas coming so early?
Has he successfully robbed a bank?
I pushed all these questioning thoughts aside and went back to sleep.

Ben and I had been close friends for years.
We liked the same food. We had the same taste in women and we played the same pranks.
And yeah, we exchange birthday gifts too.

One would think I was lucky to have a friend like Ben.
He was like a brother I never had.
Whenever people say they don’t have good friends, I ask them to change their water.
The truth is that there are good friends out there. And loyal ones too.
If you don’t have them, maybe you need to take a good look at yourself and ask if you’re a good friend to yourself.

Years after, Ben and I are no longer as close as we used to be.
I think it is safe to say we are no longer friends.

Did you say “Life happens”?

Na, I would say human happened.
Actions happened,
And consequences happened.

Ben had some other friends. Some of them I didn’t approve of. But we are adults and I shouldn’t dictate who he rolls with. The only time I’ve had to decline Ben’s hangout request is when his dodgy friends are involved.
They didn’t like me. They thought I had a holier-than-thou attitude. They didn’t know I had my demons, but who cares?
If I were them, I wouldn’t like me too. hahahahaa

Ben loved parties. I bet he still does.
So when he threw a big bash to celebrate his birthday, I just had to be there.
The party was great. I had fun.
I loved the views.
But Ben only had eyes on Funmi, my +1 for the party.
I noticed this but could only smile.
I am sure Funmi noticed too but she acted like nothing was happening.

You can throw all the signs in this world at Funmi but if you’re not vocal about it, she would act like nothing is happening.

I wasn’t surprised when he pulled me to the side after a while and asked who the fine lady was. I told him she’s a tight friend.
He grinned, shook my hand and said “Correct”.

In all my years of being friends with Ben, we’ve only had to use the word “correct” when something is about to go down but on that particular day, I didn’t imagine that would mean anything.

Funmi had fun too. And then it was time to leave.
So I called Ben to tell him we would be leaving in a bit. He showed up seconds later, thanked Funmi for coming and then turned to me and said “Guy, you owe me”.
I gave him a startled look but I didn’t want to keep Funmi waiting so I told him we would talk about it later and we left.

The next morning, Ben was at my door.
“what are you doing here so early”, I asked.
“Nothing major. I just wanted to stop by”, He responded.
We talked about the party and many other things guys usually talk about.

I wasn’t surprised when he suddenly stopped, stared at me and said, “You have to get Funmi for me because I like her”.
I knew we would eventually get to that part, and I also knew that was his major reason for showing up at my door very early in the morning.
I told him he was free to go talk to Funmi since we were just friends.
And if she likes him back, all well and good.

Don’t judge me for sounding that way.
I’ve known Ben for a while and I can rightly say trouble is never far from him.
If Ben were to be a killer, I would know where the bodies are buried.
And when it comes to emotions, he’s not one to believe in anything surviving long term.
He only lives for the moment.
So I knew his saying he likes Funmi didn’t come from his heart.
He was only interested in getting beneath her undergarment.
And I am not going to be involved in that.
That would be a decision for Funmi to make solely and without my influence.

Funmi knew a bit about Ben and she was aware that all the time I was ever in a mess, Ben was involved.
Ben needed me to paint a very nice picture of him.
He wanted me to sell a sweet version of him to Funmi.
I told Ben that I wasn’t going to facilitate anything.

When the Greeks decided to coin the phrase, “Show me your friends and I will tell you who you are”, they weren’t thinking about someone like me.

I know this because I have had all shades of friends and I have never been influenced by them.
I have had friends who can stand guard over me while I sleep.
I have had those that would travel miles if I needed them.
I have had those who would get high at the back of the church while the pastor was preaching.
I have had the ones that would swindle you and still appear empathetic to you.
I have had the weirdos.
Just name it, I had them

I had to put that out there in case your mind is still kicking you hard and telling you to judge me because of the companies I kept.

I am one to go all out for friends if it’s worth it.
Ben and Funmi were my friends but favour to one is going to be bad news for the other.

When I told Ben I wasn’t getting involved, he got very angry.
He was filled with rage.
And then he spilt.

“I got you your favourite wristwatch without you asking”.
“And the least you can do was to hook me up with Funmi because you owe me”.

Those words answered all the questions I had in my head when Ben woke me with that call on that beautiful morning.
I was too shocked to respond. I simply said, “All right”.
He stormed out of the house.

I called Funmi and told her to accompany me somewhere.
We went to the mall. I got a nice pair of sneakers, the brand Ben loved and wrapped them nicely.
We then drove to Ben’s house.
I explained everything to Funmi on our way and she felt sorry for me.
She really was.

Ben was surprised to see me and even more surprised to see Funmi.
I handed him the box of sneakers. He was very excited.
But I knew the excitement was for Funmi and not my gift.

He finally opened the box and saw the note I left with my beautiful writing.

“YOUR FAVOURITE PAIR OF SNEAKERS.
…NOW WE ARE EVEN.
All the best”.

I left with Funmi and she laughed all through our journey back home.
All she managed to say amidst laughter was “You are very petty”.
Of course, I know.
And some people deserve it.

People give gifts to others just because they want some kind of favour in return.
That shouldn’t be.
That is not giving.
That is sacrificial manipulation. Whatever that means.
That’s a GREEK GIFT.